Treatment Poetry: Poem #5...

(Written after presented with a challenge food at lunch...)

Damned by Pie
By: Kim Hembry©
July 6, 2011

So torn up within -
Like ED's got the upper hand.
I feel so ashamed.
Trying to deal.

There's uneasiness inside -
ED's putting up a fight.
I feel so perplexed.
Trying to cope.

Torment rages in my mind -
ED's brutal and unkind.
I feel overcome.
Trying to stand.

I want a release -
Some respite of peace.
I feel so trapped.
Trying to breathe.

Ate what wasn't allowed -
Can't find a way out.
I feel out of control.
Trying to wait.

Racing thoughts to and fro -
They won't let me go.
I feel overwhelmed.
Trying to manage.

I strain for some truth -
In place of ED's damn abuse.
I feel so stuck.
Trying to engage.

Food is all it was -
So why must I judge?
I feel insecure.
Trying to believe.

I'm strong and I'm able -
Willing, brave, and capable.
I feel torn inside.
Trying to fight.

I'm searching for my voice -
Trying to recognize my choice.
I feel responsible.
Trying not to judge.

There was no way of escape -
To avoid the food on my plate.
I feel so forced.
Trying to forgive.

In need of rational thoughts -
Not "have to's", "should's," and "oughts."
I feel so confused.
Trying to make peace.

To make peace with myself -
With my body and my mind.
I feel quite unsettled.
Trying to press on, in spite -

In spite of the shame -
And the physical pain.
I feel regretful.
Trying to see.

How to extend grace to myself -
Rather than in punishment to delve.
I feel so anxious.
Trying to be.

Gentle and kind with myself -
To extend patience and love.
I feel so alone.
Trying to rise.

Rise to a good place -
Where it is comfortably safe.
I feel persevering.
Trying to let go.

So I'll pray and I'll breathe -
And I'll usher in peace.
I feel willing to -
Stand up to ED's plea.