"Mental Overdrive"
By: Kim Hembry©
March 19, 2012
Relentless thoughts invade my mind...
Tossing and turning on the inside...
It's overwhelming.
I feel torn between life, unwilling to cave...
Battling the tormenting pleas - can't seem to behave...
It's gaining strength.
The demands are so strict and won't compromise...
Deep down I don't want to be Ed's demise...
I'm straining for breath.
Yet I try to keep "face" and hide all the pain-
That rages within me; I don't want death to reign...
It's all so intense.
I gasp in disgust as my reflection stares back...
I'm repulsed by a glimpse of the mirror's attack...
I'm shrinking away.
I question whether or not all this will end...
It seems to rise up again and again...
Sometimes I feel hopeless.
Yet I'll lift up my head and refuse to give up...
I'll choose to press on though to do so is tough...
There's too much at stake.
"Battle Cry"
By: Kim Hembry©
March 25, 2012
There's an aching in my heart-
And a breaking in my soul...
So much is stirring within me-
He's promised to make me whole...
The battle that rages within me-
That tears me from within...
Sometimes it seems I'll never-
Come out on the other end...
I'm straining to stand tall-
And not relent the fight...
My flesh shall surely fail-
Yet God fills me with His might...
He's said He's overcome-
He's already conquered the world...
I will choose to claim this truth-
And press on toward the goal...
I won't let fear or doubt-
Come in and override...
I won't settle for defeat, lay down-
Or run and hide...
I will cling to truth-
And I will persevere...
I will surely win this fight-
For my God - my Victor - is HERE!
"Pressure Clench"
By: Kim Hembry©
June 3, 2012
A longing and yearning burn deep in me;
Some kind of emptiness is running deep...
Loneliness creeps in; clouds close overhead-
Yet... I look unto Him.
Feelings of shame accompany the pain-
Disgust and self-hate and such disdain...
I try to press on - never give up-
For... I know He's cleansed me.
A blanket of sadness wraps and engulfs;
The air seems thin, even taking in large gulps...
Yet I feel Him close - His gentle touch-
So... I'm enveloped in love.
Though the pressure's intense, binding me tight-
And the battle's rough - struggle to fight...
I'm reminded He's won - He's overcome-
So... I'll keep standing up.
I'll remind myself at the start of the day...
I'll cling to truth and choose to say-
He's God - the all-powerful One-
I'll fix my eyes on Him - in FAITH!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Wow! Someone's Been MIA... And Another Poem...
So... By the looks of it, I've been quite MIA! This past semester got busy fast -- So busy in fact, that I barely even realized I didn't take the time to blog... I guess it's because I didn't really feel like I had the time to take...
Anyway... Now teaching with my students has wrapped up for the year, and I am now trying to take a little time to "be". Deep down I know I need some quiet time in which I can be restored and refilled because I can honestly say I spread myself a little too thin this semester. (No pun intended!)
Recovery has been quite a feat throughout this semester... I'm still in the race, but I've hit some bumps along the way... Today's actually been a very bumpy day... Below you will find a poem I wrote this morning as I struggled to get up to face today...
"The Smile Hides"
By: Kim Hembry ©
The feelings of self disgust override-
The truth that must be locked inside...
The image reflected back at me-
Is repulsive--can't stand to see...
My jaw clenches tight and locks-
I feel stuck, trapped, and in shock...
My pants are tight; feel them touching me-
I need an escape, some kind of release...
The thoughts that run to and fro within-
They condemn me, saying, I'll never be thin...
I feel out of control, flailing about-
Somehow, it seems, there's no way out...
I'm ashamed of myself and what I've done-
I'm embarrassed to be exposed by the bright sun...
Eating feels like the most terrible choice-
I'm struggling to find the healthy voice...
I feel quite overwhelmed and distraught-
I can't seem to do the things I ought...
I'm afraid to speak up - tell what's inside-
Yet I know it won't help to run and hide...
I feel so close to falling off the edge-
Like I'm being dragged by one leg...
I feel like closing my eyes and going to sleep-
That maybe upon awakening, I'd find some peace...
Yet there's a deep rooted truth that quietly chimes in-
That says, "True peace is found in Him."...
That reminds me that I'm meant for so much more-
That says my value comes from the core...
Of who He made me to be - His child-
The one He chose to reconcile...
Yet with these truths rising up-
I still feel bound and oh so stuck...
I feel alone and tossed about in the waves-
A fresh breath of hope, surely I crave...
For no one knows that all this stirs inside-
For with a smile, I've leaned to hide...
The battle is quite intense right now, and though it's been an overall positive year of progress, there is still a long road ahead of me... I am trying to remind myself that it's...
ONE DAY AT A TIME...
ONE STEP AT A TIME...
ONE MOMENT AT A TIME...
And ONE BITE AT A TIME!
Anyway... Now teaching with my students has wrapped up for the year, and I am now trying to take a little time to "be". Deep down I know I need some quiet time in which I can be restored and refilled because I can honestly say I spread myself a little too thin this semester. (No pun intended!)
Recovery has been quite a feat throughout this semester... I'm still in the race, but I've hit some bumps along the way... Today's actually been a very bumpy day... Below you will find a poem I wrote this morning as I struggled to get up to face today...
"The Smile Hides"
By: Kim Hembry ©
The feelings of self disgust override-
The truth that must be locked inside...
The image reflected back at me-
Is repulsive--can't stand to see...
My jaw clenches tight and locks-
I feel stuck, trapped, and in shock...
My pants are tight; feel them touching me-
I need an escape, some kind of release...
The thoughts that run to and fro within-
They condemn me, saying, I'll never be thin...
I feel out of control, flailing about-
Somehow, it seems, there's no way out...
I'm ashamed of myself and what I've done-
I'm embarrassed to be exposed by the bright sun...
Eating feels like the most terrible choice-
I'm struggling to find the healthy voice...
I feel quite overwhelmed and distraught-
I can't seem to do the things I ought...
I'm afraid to speak up - tell what's inside-
Yet I know it won't help to run and hide...
I feel so close to falling off the edge-
Like I'm being dragged by one leg...
I feel like closing my eyes and going to sleep-
That maybe upon awakening, I'd find some peace...
Yet there's a deep rooted truth that quietly chimes in-
That says, "True peace is found in Him."...
That reminds me that I'm meant for so much more-
That says my value comes from the core...
Of who He made me to be - His child-
The one He chose to reconcile...
Yet with these truths rising up-
I still feel bound and oh so stuck...
I feel alone and tossed about in the waves-
A fresh breath of hope, surely I crave...
For no one knows that all this stirs inside-
For with a smile, I've leaned to hide...
The battle is quite intense right now, and though it's been an overall positive year of progress, there is still a long road ahead of me... I am trying to remind myself that it's...
ONE DAY AT A TIME...
ONE STEP AT A TIME...
ONE MOMENT AT A TIME...
And ONE BITE AT A TIME!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Brief update...
Here is a brief update...
I am happy to report I have had a few pretty great days this week! The week started off really rough and was an intense struggle, but I refused to give up! I am having to remind myself that this journey is one that requires immense patience and relentless perseverance and endurance. For me, those things are only restored and built up in me as I spend time with my Abba, who strengthens me for the battle...
I met with my therapist on Wednesday morning, and miraculously I was able to share with her all that I was struggling with, and she helped me to decipher my healthy voice from ED's voice... Since Wednesday, I have been doing my best to take each day, each step, each moment, and each bite at a time and trying to remind myself that even when I fall or take a few steps backward, I don't have to let frustration or defeat overwhelm me because what I learn from even the roughest of days can be used to catapult me along the road to recovery, healing, and freedom...
The same goes for any of you who may be reading!
Anyway, I just want to send a quick message out to any of you who needs a little encouragement wherever you are on your specific journey... Remember that each person's journey is UNIQUE just as each person is UNIQUE! The journey you are walking is not the same as mine, and mine is not the same as yours... However, we are able to come alongside one another with support and encouragement because we do walk similar journeys... Remember that you are WORTH the fight! You are WORTH recovery! You are WORTH so much MORE than ED has offered or could ever offer you! (I have to say this to myself a lot... Even though I struggle to believe it!) Your value is NOT found in any number, weight or size! You are VALUABLE because a Master Creator made you! Lastly, remember YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIGHT ALONE! You are WORTH another person's time! Be willing to reach out when you need support! And finally... NEVER! NEVER! NO NEVER GIVE UP!
I am happy to report I have had a few pretty great days this week! The week started off really rough and was an intense struggle, but I refused to give up! I am having to remind myself that this journey is one that requires immense patience and relentless perseverance and endurance. For me, those things are only restored and built up in me as I spend time with my Abba, who strengthens me for the battle...
I met with my therapist on Wednesday morning, and miraculously I was able to share with her all that I was struggling with, and she helped me to decipher my healthy voice from ED's voice... Since Wednesday, I have been doing my best to take each day, each step, each moment, and each bite at a time and trying to remind myself that even when I fall or take a few steps backward, I don't have to let frustration or defeat overwhelm me because what I learn from even the roughest of days can be used to catapult me along the road to recovery, healing, and freedom...
The same goes for any of you who may be reading!
Anyway, I just want to send a quick message out to any of you who needs a little encouragement wherever you are on your specific journey... Remember that each person's journey is UNIQUE just as each person is UNIQUE! The journey you are walking is not the same as mine, and mine is not the same as yours... However, we are able to come alongside one another with support and encouragement because we do walk similar journeys... Remember that you are WORTH the fight! You are WORTH recovery! You are WORTH so much MORE than ED has offered or could ever offer you! (I have to say this to myself a lot... Even though I struggle to believe it!) Your value is NOT found in any number, weight or size! You are VALUABLE because a Master Creator made you! Lastly, remember YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIGHT ALONE! You are WORTH another person's time! Be willing to reach out when you need support! And finally... NEVER! NEVER! NO NEVER GIVE UP!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A poem of release and refocus... And the start of a new year!
Ready... Set... Go!
By: Kim Hembry ©
12/30/2011
Thoughts cross, making twisted patterns in my mind...
The tormenting pleas and condescending lies...
They won't relent... They seem to abide...
Incomparable comparisons persist night and day...
They're so strong and always prevail...
I just can't seem to get away...
From the ill-formed pleas...
From the dier demands...
Almost constantly I feel quite damned...
There is a piece of me that wants to comply...
Yet a voice rises up within...
It whispers a gentle truth inside...
One that says - "You've come too far...
No, don't go back!
Though you can't see it, you are in fact...
Worth something more - so much better...
You're meant to live and to know a peace...
To experience a richness of a life much greater...
So don't bow down in disgruntled defeat...
You mustn't give up... Please trust me!
There's too much at stake, so hope you must keep...
Each step is important and of great value...
Each moment counts... Time will prove...
If only you'll live and refuse to lose...
Pick up your head and look to the King...
You were never meant to fight solely...
You are being fought for - Will you believe?
Just take a deep breath and never relent...
Though the road has bumps, it's worth traveling...
Keep your eyes fixed... On Him keep your gaze!
You can press on in the strength of the Lord...
You can keep fighting, and Him you'll adore...
Breath in His Spirit and see what's in store...
There's a place up ahead that you've yet to know...
You will see it as you choose to step forth...
Take one step, dear one... READY, SET, GO!
I wrote this poem two days ago after a very intense day of struggle and fight... I was feeling so overcome by the eating disorder... Praise the Lord for a dear friend who helped me decipher what was going on in my head, who helped me separate truth from lies!
I am in awe that a new year has now dawned... During many stages of my life, I never thought I would see the year 2012, but praise be to God that He has sustained me and continued to declare His purposes over my life...
As this new year dawns, I desire for it to be the best one yet for me! The road to recovery is still very trying, but I know it is worth pressing on! I have made the decision to leave last year behind and walk into this year aware of great opportunity and possibility for growth, change, and a greater freedom than I've ever known!
In Isaiah 43, there is a set of verses that challenge us to leave the former things behind and to look ahead to what God has in store... He promises to make a way in the desert and says that He is doing a new thing... I am choosing to claim this truth as my own this year! I do not want to get stuck dwelling on the failures and struggles of the past... I want to embrace the start of a new year and embrace the idea that all things are being made new! I want to be open to all that God desires to teach and show me this year, and I desire to enjoy the process and the journey, recognizing that each moment counts and is valuable in the process of BECOMING!
I will choose to dream big - to persevere - to overcome - in the strength of my dear Abba...
ONE DAY AT A TIME!
ONE STEP AT A TIME!
ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!
ONE BITE AT A TIME!
What about you?
By: Kim Hembry ©
12/30/2011
Thoughts cross, making twisted patterns in my mind...
The tormenting pleas and condescending lies...
They won't relent... They seem to abide...
Incomparable comparisons persist night and day...
They're so strong and always prevail...
I just can't seem to get away...
From the ill-formed pleas...
From the dier demands...
Almost constantly I feel quite damned...
There is a piece of me that wants to comply...
Yet a voice rises up within...
It whispers a gentle truth inside...
One that says - "You've come too far...
No, don't go back!
Though you can't see it, you are in fact...
Worth something more - so much better...
You're meant to live and to know a peace...
To experience a richness of a life much greater...
So don't bow down in disgruntled defeat...
You mustn't give up... Please trust me!
There's too much at stake, so hope you must keep...
Each step is important and of great value...
Each moment counts... Time will prove...
If only you'll live and refuse to lose...
Pick up your head and look to the King...
You were never meant to fight solely...
You are being fought for - Will you believe?
Just take a deep breath and never relent...
Though the road has bumps, it's worth traveling...
Keep your eyes fixed... On Him keep your gaze!
You can press on in the strength of the Lord...
You can keep fighting, and Him you'll adore...
Breath in His Spirit and see what's in store...
There's a place up ahead that you've yet to know...
You will see it as you choose to step forth...
Take one step, dear one... READY, SET, GO!
I wrote this poem two days ago after a very intense day of struggle and fight... I was feeling so overcome by the eating disorder... Praise the Lord for a dear friend who helped me decipher what was going on in my head, who helped me separate truth from lies!
I am in awe that a new year has now dawned... During many stages of my life, I never thought I would see the year 2012, but praise be to God that He has sustained me and continued to declare His purposes over my life...
As this new year dawns, I desire for it to be the best one yet for me! The road to recovery is still very trying, but I know it is worth pressing on! I have made the decision to leave last year behind and walk into this year aware of great opportunity and possibility for growth, change, and a greater freedom than I've ever known!
In Isaiah 43, there is a set of verses that challenge us to leave the former things behind and to look ahead to what God has in store... He promises to make a way in the desert and says that He is doing a new thing... I am choosing to claim this truth as my own this year! I do not want to get stuck dwelling on the failures and struggles of the past... I want to embrace the start of a new year and embrace the idea that all things are being made new! I want to be open to all that God desires to teach and show me this year, and I desire to enjoy the process and the journey, recognizing that each moment counts and is valuable in the process of BECOMING!
I will choose to dream big - to persevere - to overcome - in the strength of my dear Abba...
ONE DAY AT A TIME!
ONE STEP AT A TIME!
ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!
ONE BITE AT A TIME!
What about you?
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