Treatment Poetry: Poem #2...

Perspective Check
By: Kim Hembry©
July 2, 2011

Feelings of shame rise up within
I feel so fat and long to be thin

It seems that with each meal, my stomach balloons
I just want to get it all out of me soon

I'm afraid of letting go of a thirteen year bond
Yet I know that to ED's voice I don't need to respond

I just feel so overwhelmed with each passing day
Between two desires I continually sway

Sway between truth and well-disguised lies
I'm trying not to be my own sad demise

I know I want to be better - to finally be well
But I feel so torn and can't seem to tell

What will be found as this journey continues
What I will find and what I will lose

I'm trying to let the truth override
I'm trying to feel what's all tucked inside

I'm trying to let my feelings arise
In hopes that maybe I'll realize

What's tucked away and is deeply hidden
What's been suppressed that makes me guilt-ridden

I know it's a process and a slow one at that
I struggle so hard not to look back

I'm trying to focus on the hear and the now
I'm trying each moment to figure out how

How to choose life and care for myself
How to recover and no longer delve

Into the pit of darkness and death
Into the place where I'm gasping for breath

I'm trying to be optimistic and stay positive
I'm trying to believe that truly I'll live

I'm trying to press on in spite of the pain
In spite of fear and tormenting disdain

I'm trying to trust those God sent to help
Trying to remember I can't do it by myself

I'm trying to give up the reigns of control
In search of something more than ED's tight hold

To humbly submit to those walking with me
To trust in their guidance so one day I'll be

Freed from this trap and tightly locked cage
Freed to enjoy the life that awaits

So I will try to pray and to breathe
And step by step walk this journey

Taking each day and each step in stride
Yielding to truth and not to the lies