So... It has been super busy on my end! I guess that is pretty obvious noticing that I haven't written in several days! Wow!
This past week was full as I sat through teacher inservice all week! I will be welcoming all of my students into the classroom on Monday. I can't believe it is already time for school to start!
Today marks two weeks that I have been home from treatment... These past two weeks have been difficult, but I have been pressing on and fighting for RECOVERY! I have been consistent with appointments. I've seen my therapist, dietitian, and doctor regularly since returning from treatment...
Actually, I met with my dietitian yesterday... I really wanted to cancel my appointment because I was having a hard time pulling myself away from my classroom... I kept finding all kinds of loose ends, but deep down I knew I needed to follow through with my appointment. Therefore, I loaded up all of my stuff as I remembered that RECOVERY has to be a PRIORITY right now - even above my job! I was nervous about meeting with my dietitian because I was afraid of getting an increase to my meal plan... However, the nerves were for nothing because my meal plan was not increased. My dietitian really wants me to have confidence and trust in my current meal plan before altering it. For that I am grateful! I know she is watching my weight closely, so I will do my best to keep trusting her and working with my meal plan... I will try not to veer from it...
The truth is that I still have a long way to go, but I must accept where I am right now on this journey in order to work RECOVERY from this point!
I had fallen prey to intense calorie counting as soon as I got home from treatment, but I have now made it one week and one day without keeping a very rigid and anal calorie log... I know that is a positive step! I am still super tempted to count and restrict, but I am doing my best to fight!
When I went to the doctor this week, I had some number trauma... I always do blind weigh ins when I go to my doctor and/or dietitian. The nurses know not to tell me my weight... Well, at least most of the time! The wise nurse I had this past week when I saw my doctor blurted my weight out after I told her not to... I was pissed! I was terrified! I was overwhelmed! I guess you could say I experienced a certain level of number TRAUMA! I know that I need to accept a healthy number for my height and body type, but it is soooooooooo hard... I still feel super overweight! I still can't stand the number! I guess this is a part of the process that may take a little while longer...
Well, I have to go for now, but I hope that all of you who are walking your own journeys are going strong!
Let's keep taking it.... ONE DAY AT A TIME! ONE STEP AT A TIME! ONE MOMENT AT A TIME! and ONE BITE AT A TIME!
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