To this point... I am grateful for...

Truth be told... The journey continues... BUT... It continues quite slowly - with a few steps forward and a step back from time to time... I am trying to be patient with the process and not expect perfection from myself, but that is easier said than done!

It is a moment by moment and bite by bite journey... It is very difficult, but I am determined to try to press on and not fall into a place of self-sabotage like I have during all other previous "attempts" at recovery... Even though recovery still scares me, I am trying to work it, especially in terms of my meal plan...

I am trying to be brutally honest with myself and with my treatment team... I am trying not to have secrets that only keep me trapped... I am trying to trust my treatment team and this process to a certain extent even though I still don't trust the whole idea of recovery yet...

I am choosing to believe that as I keep doing the deeper work with my therapist, trust will increase, and I will slowly but surely start making more consistent progress...

I am trying to embrace each day, each step, and each moment as it comes and deal with each one to the best of my ability...

I am grateful for a few very supportive friends that love me right where I am and encourage me to keep walking this journey...

I am grateful for my parents who have shown me immense support and have shown me that they have placed my recovery as a priority... Even though pride tries to ward off the help they offer me, I am deeply grateful for the love they have shown me and all they continue to do for me...

I am grateful for my professional OP treatment team because I know they do really care about me and want to see me walking successfully... I know they want to see me walking free from the bondage that ED still has on me... I know they speak truth (even very hard truth at times) because they want to do their part to help me...

I am grateful for a strength that God has built up within me to keep showing up day in and day out... I am grateful that His mercies are made new every morning... I am grateful that God has given me a certain measure of hope and joy on the inside of me to propel me onward in this journey...

I am grateful for my job and for all of my students... There is a piece of me that comes alive when I am teaching that doesn't come alive at other times... I am trying to let my job be a motivation for me as I try to work recovery right now - trying to accept the truth that I really can't be the teacher or mentor my students need me to be if I am not willing to do my part of recovery...

In many ways, recovery is mechanical right now and feels more like a "have to" than a "want to" or an "I deserve to," but I am trying to believe that is okay for now...

I don't want to fulfill the definition of insanity of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result... I have spent too many years doing that!

I do want to experience something new and something different... It is a foreign concept for me in many ways, but I am trying to embrace the opportunity for discovery...

Hmmm... I adopted a new affirmation/mantra today as I spent some time reflecting upon the value of each day... Here goes...

"Today is a gift... I will receive it... I will accept it... I will be open to all of its possibilities... I will be thankful for what I find as it unfolds...
No matter what!"
~KRH

I am going to try and start off each day with my newly written quotation, even when some things seem the farthest from being a gift... I challenge you to do the same...

Be blessed in your own journey! Keep on keeping on! Don't give up!