Sunday, August 21, 2011

In Retrospect... A Poem and Some Reflection...

Brand New
By: Kim Hembry©
August 21, 2011

As my eyes opened, defeat set in -
As I reflected on the ways I let ED win.

Tormenting lies invaded my mind,
And condemnation rose up inside.

I felt overwhelmed; wasn't sure what to do,
But in the nick of time, God's TRUTH broke through!

I was drawn to my knees, to repent and confess -
As I let it all out, tears fell down my chest.

I was met with mercy and showered in grace.
As new mercies came, I lifted my face.

As tears were released, I began to realize -
The choice awaited - to leave yesterday behind.

Though I had fallen, I chose to rise up;
For forgiveness was mine because of His love.

By the grace of God, I chose LIFE today,
And it is only in Him that I can say -

I'll keep walking this journey; I'll choose to press on;
I won't give up; one day I'll OVERCOME!

This is a poem I wrote as today was winding down... Even though I had a rough night last night and woke up feeling defeated, today was not ruined! My God rushed in to save the day! He freed me from yesterday's chains! He helped me make good choices so far today! I was reminded that I don't have to walk this journey alone! He desires to walk it with me, and He even brings a few amazing people alongside me for support! Hallelujah!

Getting to go to church this morning and again this evening was a huge part of the successes I've experienced today (up to this point!). I was reminded of the value of my relationship with the Lord. I was reminded that legalism, law, and religion only separate people, but that relationship brings people together. I was also reminded that religion diminishes passion, but that my passion increases as I walk closely with my God, and that as my relationship with Him becomes more intimate, I am blessed with JOY! LIFE! and FREEDOM! My relationship with Him makes all the difference in this journey!

I was reminded that no matter how rough and difficult my journey has been (or is currently), Jesus desires to meet me RIGHT WHERE I AM! He looks on me with COMPASSION! He looks upon me in LOVE! He desires to meet with me - to relate to me in a very intimate way, yet He doesn't desire to abuse me! He desires to come alongside me and satisfy the deep needs and longings of my soul! The only question is, WILL I LET HIM?

I was challenged today to recognize that both the doors of COMPASSION and LOVE are bridges on our journeys, but that the door of JUDGMENT is a wall on our journeys... I was challenged to think about what's been offered to me... I was challenged to think about what I offer others... And I was challenged even further as I thought about what I offer myself... As I thought about this last one, I realized that I continue to walk in an immense load of self-judgment... I continue to tear myself to shreds and pick myself apart... I continue to reject the woman I see reflected in the mirror... I continue to compare myself with others which always leads me to feeling less than... I know it is a process to break this cycle, and I guess it will take some time, so I will try to extend patience to myself!

I was also reminded that in the midst of great blessing, sometimes there is great pain, but that even in the midst of pain, we mustn't suffer alone... And that God doesn't desire for us to stay in a place of pain, but rather, He desires to bring forth healing! There is nothing impossible for Him! NOTHING! This is important for me to keep in mind as I keep working with my outpatient team... As deeper issues are brought up within me... As I face some very hard and painful memories...

So... The journey continues... It definitely isn't easy, but I am doing my best to believe that it is POSSIBLE!

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