Sunday, May 29, 2011

A beautiful day of TRUTH... of INSPIRING HOPE... Week 4 continues...

Just a little warning, this is going to be a LONG post!

Today makes one week that I've been living in my apartment. It has been such a blessing to have my own space to work through this process... (Especially since I haven't felt well this week!) This week hasn't been as emotionally draining as the past few weeks, but I know that there will be much to work through and deal with as I continue on in this journey - on this road to RECOVERY...

This morning, I feel huge, and the thought of putting anything in my body seems IMPOSSIBLE... I know that I have to respond to the voice of TRUTH that says that it is okay and that I am allowed to give my body nutrients and nourishment, and that I can't let my feelings and judgments against myself override the TRUTH... It is a struggle to hush ED's voice or to ignore it, but i know I have to in order to choose LIFE today - in the moment!

A very timely and appropriate word of encouragement and hope comes in the form of my devotional for today...

"I am with you, watching over you constantly. I am Emmanuel (God with you); My Presence enfolds you in radiant LOVE. NOTHING, including the brightest blessings and the darkest trials, can separate you from Me. Some of my children find Me more readily during dark times, when difficulties force them to depend on Me. Others feel closer to Me when their lives are filled with good things. They respond with thanksgiving and praise, thus opening wide the door to My Presence. I know precisely what you need to draw nearer to Me. Go through each day looking for what I have prepared for you. Accept every event as My hand-tailored provision for your needs. When you view your life this way, the most reasonable response is to be thankful. Do not reject any of My gifts; find Me in EVERY situation."

For me it is such a comfort to know and be reminded that God is with me - ALWAYS! Truth be told, none of us would really choose a trial-filled life, but it is amidst the darkest hours and trials of my life where I seem to see the LIGHT of God piercing through most clearly... In this current season of my life, I feel like I have been able to know, in a way deeper than I have ever known before, that God is continually with me!

These past few weeks on this journey to RECOVERY have not been easy by any means, and there have been many steps that I have had to take on my own (meaning without the physical presence of support from those around me). However, even in some of the darkest and most difficult moments of these past three weeks, I have had an assurance that God was with me! He is with me - now and FOREVER!

No, it is not pleasant to be in a pit or to go through the tedious process of getting out of one, but I will choose to be grateful and thankful in the midst of such trials. It is in remembering what I can be grateful for that keeps me in a place of not giving up or completely losing HOPE. Sure, it can be hard to find things to be grateful for when we are on a very difficult road, but I believe it is vital to try! I have said numerous times over the past several years, "I will worship God in the storm, I will praise Him from the pit, in the turbulent waters... It doesn't matter... I've been made to worship Him... It builds a strength in me that is inexplicable." It is hard to praise Him when our circumstances and the situations of our lives are unclear and unpleasant, but for me, it seems to keep me grounded and reminds me that He is in CONTROL - even when it doesn't feel like He is! I believe that I will come out of this season of trials and intense struggle much closer to God as long as I keep my gaze fixed upon Him and don't turn from Him in bitterness... He is the only One that is CONSTANT in my life right now... Actually - He will always be the only One who is CONSTANT! Even in the storms of life and the outpouring of tears, I will REJOICE!

What is laid our in Colossians 2:7 is what I long for... "Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving." I believe that it is my choice to let this verse become more of a reality each day in my life as I yield to God in this process and journey to RECOVERY ~ praising Him even when it hurts! Being "built up in Him" is the only way I am able to keep pressing on in this journey. Being "built up in Him" is how I face each round of intake and respect the guidelines of my treatment team... It isn't easy, and oftentimes my body and mind rise in rebuttal with screams of rebellion, but He - God - builds me up to press on... No, I don't walk perfectly, and I am trying to be okay with that, but that is also a part of this process... I will press on!


Yesterday I was able to get through and finish four and a half rounds of intake, so I will see how today goes as I get started. I will take it in stride...

(Written later)

As I finished up round one for the day, it was time for me to go to church. It was my first time to visit the church I went to today, but I believe it was destiny that I walked through the doors of Covenant Family today...

The following words are lyrics of the bridge and chorus from a worship song we sang this morning:

I will remain confident in this -
I will see the goodness of the Lord.
We will set our hope on You.
We will set our hope on Your love.
We will set our hope on the One -
Who is the everlasting God.
You are the everlasting God.
You are everlasting.

Wow! Those words were PERFECT for me today! They are sooooooooo TRUE! It is God in whom my HOPE rests!

There is a lovely promise in Jeremiah 29:13-14a. "Then you will seek Me, inquire Me with all your heart. I will be found in you, says the Lord, and I will release you from captivity..." What a BEAUTIFUL promise! I will see Him, and I WILL find Him! That's such AWESOME HOPE to encourage me to press on in this journey!

The message today was also destined to fall upon my ears... The theme: LOVING YOURSELF WHILE GOING THROUGH DIFFICULTIES... Really? You have to be kidding me! Nope, it was just what I needed to hear! The pastor shared five things that were important regarding loving ourselves while going through difficulties. (My sermon notes are below.)

1. Every one of us makes mistakes!
>There are no perfect people!
>How you come out of the mistake is POWERFUL!

2. Learn how to bounce back from difficult times!
>How you bounce back will determine your future - what's ahead!
>Relationships are key to you bouncing back from difficult times ~
good, healthy relationships... You need a sounding board and some encouragement!
*It's easy to glorify God in the good times, but will you glorify Him in the bad times?

3. Learn how to laugh at yourself!
>Put your best foot forward when you are bouncing back.

4. Learn to be happy with where you are!
>Where you are now is a result of actions in the past that have brought you here.
>If you don't like where you are right now (if you aren't happy or content with it), do things differently than you did to bring yourself to this place.
>Do the best from where you are... Take the steps you need to take now...

5. God can take ANY situation and turn it around for the GOOD!

(A few other notes:)

>In order to love yourself in the midst of difficult times, it will require a paradigm shift in your mind! Replace lies with TRUTH!


Philippians 4:8-9
[The Message]
"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies."

What a beautiful set of TRUTH these two verse are! I will press on because He promises to work me into HIS MOST EXCELLENT HARMONIES! His harmony will come as I let Him orchestrate this journey...


Him in me = my HOPE!

1 comment:

  1. Right on with where I am at with my issues. I am feeling far away from God right now because of some issues last night, although I know He is right here beside me. Thank you Kim for blessing me each day I read your writings. They are very encouraging to read. Your faith is strong in spite of your struggles. Thank you for telling me to read it in particular today, since I had not yet. God bless you always.