FREEDOM... THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE...
Well, today I have to admit that I went about facing round 1 in an accomplishment/achievement mindset. I didn't want to face it at all because I still didn't feel well from the last night, but I knew I needed to... I didn't have time to get still and let God build up the strength I needed on the inside of me to face it, so I willed my way through it out of a mandate just to get it done... In the end it was still a victory, and my body got the nutrients from it, but I was lacking the most important element - letting God in me do it...
I went to have my bone density scan today, and now I have finished all medical appointments for this week. Now, I just wait to see how I'm "really" doing physically. (Actually just got a call from my Dr.'s office and need to make an appointment to talk over some of the results, so one more visit some time this week...) God has been miraculously sustaining my body (members of my team have been astonished!), so I am believing for good reports, but I will take them in stride as they come back..
While I was facing round 1, I did take the time to read my devotional, "Jesus Calling." Yep! One more that was perfect for today:
"Thank Me for your problems. As soon as your mind gets snagged on a difficulty, bring it to Me with Thanksgiving. Then ask Me to show you My way to handle the situation. The very act of thanking Me releases your mind from its negative focus. As you turn your attention to Me, the problem fades in significance and loses its power to trip you up. Together we can deal with the situation, either facing it head-on or putting it aside for later consideration. Most of the situations that entangle your mind are not today's concerns; you have borrowed them from tomorrow. In this case, I life the problem out of today and deposit it in the future, where it is veiled from your eyes. In its place I give you My peace, which flows freely from My Presence."
"Peace I leave with you; My [own] pea
ce I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid [stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled]." John 14:27
"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (defi
nite requests), with thanksgiving continue to make your wants known to God." Philippians 4:6
This was perfect to reread again as I face round 2. My body is so exhausted as well as my mind and my emotions, and in order toface this round, I need the Spirit of the Living God to rise up within me and overcompensate all other factors!
I will focus on the step in front of me and not be overwhelmed by the rest of the day. I will speak and receive TRUTH!
Wow! My body is not liking this process... I am nearing round 3 for today, and I think I am going to have to crash for a little while.
I think I may understand why this slow and steady process is usually done in the hospital where all a person can do is rest, but in the end I am grateful to have the opportunity to make each small yet valuable choice in this re-feeding process...
As this process continues (currently on day 6), in some ways it gets easier, but in others it gets much harder... My body feels so full, bloated, and like it's going to explode, and with all of these feelings, it makes it harder to want to face each step and round of the day. That is when it is becoming more valuable to choose to hear the truth about why I can choose to give my body nutrients so that I can continue to make the practical choices needed to choose LIFE!
One step at a time, one moment at a time so as not to be overwhelmed... "Lord, help me to keep You equipping me for each step at the forefront of my mind!"