Saturday, May 28, 2011

Day 2... Week 4... I will have no regrets...

Yesterday I was able to get in four rounds of intake... That's a half a round more than the two days prior. Even through it wasn't the full amount of intake that I was supposed to have, I will choose to see yesterday as a VICTORY because I pressed on and didn't quit or give up!

Today is a new day, and I though ED's voice was beckoning loudly last night, I will choose to keep pressing on in this journey to RECOVERY. I'm not sure what all today will hold or how my body will respond, but I will take today in stride... ONE STEP AT A TIME ~ ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!

There are several things fighting against me this morning as I long to choose LIFE, so I need to let God build up His great STRENGTH once again, so I can continue on in this process. Today makes day two of week four... Truly, I can't believe it! I will press on!

I am again reminded of the importance of being in and remaining in the Presence of the Lord...

"Let Me anoint you with My Presence. I am King of kings an Lord of lords, dwelling in unapproachable light. When you draw near to Me, I respond by coming closer to you. As My Presence envelops you, you may feel overwhelmed by My Power and Glory. This is a form of worship: sensing your smallness in comparison to My GREATNESS. Man has tended to make himself the measure of all things, but man's measure is too tiny to comprehend my majestic vastness. That is why most people do not see Me at all, even though they live and move and have their being in Me. Enjoy the radiant beauty of My Presence. Declare My glorious Being to the World!"

The magnitude of the Power and Presence of God are what sustain, strengthen, and propel me to press on in this journey. The Promise that He is with me and that He will NEVER leave or forsake me is what gives me HOPE and enables me to trust Him more... I desire to "Declare His glorious Being to the world!" It is in letting Him heal, transform, and change me from the inside out that will enable me to do this...

I love the promise from James 4:8a, "Come close to God, and He WILL come close to you..." That is simple enough, right? Choose to move in closer to God, and He will do the same! Wow! It also still amazes me that He longs for such closeness and intimacy with each of His children, but He won't force it on any of us! He leaves the ball in our court...

Another thing that comes to mind as I read this promise again is how baffling it is that when we pull away from God, He doesn't pull away further from us. He remains, and He waits until we come back to Him. He doesn't stop pursuing us, but He also respects our wishes and our boundaries (even though sometimes it would be easier if He just came in even when we are pushing Him away!).

The truth found in Acts 17:28 could not be any more relevant for me in this season of my life. "For in Him we live and move and have our being; as even some of your [own] poets have said, For we are also His offspring." The only reason I am alive today is because God has saved me, rescued me, and ransomed me from death! The only reason I can choose to LIVE is because He illuminated my mind with LIGHT and birthed a renewed desire and will to LIVE within me! The only way I was able to start this journey to RECOVERY this time around was because He intervened on my behalf. The only way I am able to face each round of intake at this point in the process in by HIS STRENGTH... HE IS THE REASON I AM ALIVE! HE IS THE REASON I CHOOSE LIFE!


Time to let His STRENGTH operate in and through me as I face round one for today... I will speak TRUTH and take it in stride!

(written later)

Round one has been completed, and my body is taking it a little better today that the past few days, but I will have to take each round in very slowly...

I just had a good visit with a friend who has chosen to be
a part of my RECOVERY team in the form of mentoring, support, and accountability. It was a blessing to spend some time with her and to be encouraged to press on even though it is very hard right now. I am grateful God has brought her into my life and that she is willing to walk alongside me in this journey! She helped to remind me that even though I have not gotten in all five rounds of intake over the last several days, I was still making progress as I chose to do what was opposite to that which ED's voice was speaking... When all of the pain never let up, I didn't want to take another sip, but I still chose to give my body and my brain nutrients... I guess this is just part of the process this time around...

I will continue to take today in stride as I lead up to facing another round of intake soon. I won't be overwhelmed by the process or the journey. I will press on in this pursuit of LIFE...


(Written later)

I seem to be getting through today better than I have been... I am currently facing the fourth round of intake for the day, and I will take it in stride. My goal is to get in four and a half rounds today if my body will let me, but only time will tell... As I hit roadblocks, I am trying not to give a place for ED's voice to overtake me, but the battle is intense right now!

I will remember the value in even the smallest of steps taken forward in this journey, and I won't overlook the value even in the setbacks... I will learn from them and be better equipped for the steps ahead of me!

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for your beautiful writings. They encourage me and lift me up. Peace be with you as you continue your journey.