So I have to be honest... I didn't think I would make it through the day yesterday... But... I did! - by the grace and supernatural sustaining of the Lord along with ACCOUNTABILITY! I got everything in me that I was supposed to... Timing wasn't perfect... exercised some even though I'm on restriction, but in the end, I guess it was successful... However my body hated me for it!
Today... I have only faced round 1 (of 5 rounds) for this day... Timing is already off... I exercised a little... It is so much harder today... I am not sure how it is going to go... I feel disgustingly fat and bloated! Yuck! I am reall
y struggling to give my brain and body nutrients today...
I have a daily devotional called, "Jesus Calling." Today's entry was perfect:
"If you learn to trust Me - really trust Me - with your whole being, then nothing can separate you from My Peace. Everything you endure can be put to good use by allowing it to train you in trusting Me. This is how you foil the works of evil, growing in grace through the very adversity tha
t was meant to harm you. Joseph was a prime example of this divine reversal, declaring to his brothers: 'You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.' Do not fear what this day, or any day, may brin
g your way. Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter."
This devotional could not have been better suited for me today! I have already read it several times and believe I will be reading it more to get
through each round today!
My prayer this morning (through many tears and collapsing onto the floor in tears) was:
"God, I am so in need of You! So in need of You to be right with me and comforting me... I need supernatural strength even
to start today... I need You to still my mind because all I can think about is how far I have to go today and then how far I have to go altogether... I know there is a LIGHT, but it is hard for me to see it -- I really don't see it right now! To see what sits in front of me to get in me seems sooooooo hard... I know I did it yesterday, but I don't know if I can do it today... Lord, I need Your help everyday, but today, I am more aware of my weakness... Please come and strengthen me to choose life and truth - walking them out one sip and bite at a time! It has to be You in me because I can't do it alone! Please help me to really KNOW and be convinced inside that this is something I need - that I have to have - to LIVE! Please teach me how to choose to live and love and be outside of all the things I can do... Show me
who I am - that I'm really valuable - outside of doing and accomplishing!"
As the time gets closer when I need to face round 2, I am reminded of something one of my friends shared with me yesterday:
Happy moments - PRAISE GOD!
Difficult moments - SEEK GOD!
Quiet moments - WORSHIP GOD!
Painful moments - TRUST GOD!
Every moment - THANK GOD!
Today, I choose to live and not die! The tasks befo
re me are daunting, but I am not meant to face it all alone - even though it often feels that way!
This is a recovery collage I made!
I know that I want to live in FREEDOM and in VICTORY! I have to be reminded that I do have a choice even when ED tells me that I don't!