I still have through Thursday to be on the same level and schedule of intake, which is somewhat good because it is still a struggle... However, I am somewhat worried about what will change when I go back to the nutritionist that day... I don't know what I'm ready for... I still struggle to make it through what I have to right now... I need to stop that progression of thinking right now, or I will never make it through today... Okay - FOCUS - ONE STEP AT A TIME ~ MOMENT BY MOMENT!
I will choose to face round one today in the strength of the Lord. I am in His hands - where I am safe! He holds me and comforts me through every step - every uncomfortable - every painful - ever difficult - STEP!
TRUTH - TRUTH - TRUTH! Reign in my mind right now in Jesus' name! I receive the PROMISE that the TRUTH shall make me FREE!
(A little later...)
Round one and two are now complete for today! PRAISE GOD!
This morning I went to my friend's church because her daughter was being baptized. I knew God wanted me to go and to show support to her daughter and to her family. I was somewhat hesitant because I feared some awkward confrontation by others who would be there too, but I went anyway!
I am glad I did... My friend was overjoyed to see me there and didn't really expect to see me because of everything that's going on right now...
I usually feel awkward when I go to the church I went to today because I went there for a few years when I was in High School and college, but today I went and trusted that God would orchestrate each conversation that was to take place. I trusted HIm to guard me from some of the people who would be very triggering for me... HE DID!
Also, the pastor shared on the following verses: Philippians 4:10-13... Once again this verse shows up:
"I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for ANYTHING and equal to anything through Him who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency." (vs. 13)
It is Christ in me that is my HOPE of GLORY!
I am sufficient because of Him Who lives in me!
"... You have revived You interest in my welfare after so long a time..." (vs. 10)
He - the EVERLASTING - LIVING GOD - sees me and takes interest -
even DELIGHTS - in me!
HE MAKES THE JOURNEY POSSIBLE!
I'm still holding onto the TRUTH that
"I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency."
One added aspect that the pastor touched on as He talked about our sufficiency being in Christ is that His sufficiency also comes in the form of other people in our lives. As I thought about that, I realized that Christ's sufficiency isn't just Him in me, but it is also Him in others around me! I though about God on the inside of the team that is built up around me right now: in my doctor - my counselor - my nutritionist - a couple of amazingly supportive friends... They are also part of me walking in the TRUTH that "I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency." He - ALIVE and ACTIVE - in them helps to build up the sufficiency in me. What a blessing that is! I then realized how invaluable the team around me really is...
As I ponder theses things, a verse that I read earlier today comes to my mind:
"Then I heard a strong [loud] voice in heaven saying, Now it has come - the salvation and the power and the kingdom (the dominion, the reign) of our God, and the power (the sovereignty, the authority) of His Christ (the Messiah); for the accuser of our brethren, he who keeps bringing before our God charges against them day and night, has been cast out!"
It may not make sense at first why this came to mind at this time, but what I love is that I am being reminded that we are a part of the army of God. In the verse above, it says that the enemy - he who brings forth charges day and night HAS BEEN CAST OUT! Now that's good news! The thing is that we still have to fight against him in the here and now, and it is the sufficiency of Christ on the inside of the fellow team members - army - that helps me (in this time) to walk in VICTORY over the power of darkness and wickedness that only comes to steal, kill, and destroy! I like the sound of this!
After the service today, I did something that even shocked myself! I went to a restaurant with my parents to have fellowship time with them. I had take round 2 with me in my purse in case something like that came up... We had a good conversation, and I faced round two while I was there... I had to block out what I thought the people around me may have been thinking and just know that I was doing what was good for my body in the moment!
As we left the restaurant, something happened that made me think back to counseling from this past week... My counselor told me that because of my personality and of who I am and how God has made me, I will stand out (whether I choose to or not)... I am going to choose to like that, and I am on a journey of owning my uniqueness and individuality... I am learning that I am not meant to fit into the mold that society, culture, family, friends, or even the "church" have fashioned for me... I am just to be "ME"... So what sparked this flashback? A woman who was sitting across from us stopped me on the way out, saying that she just wanted to tell me that I had such beautiful hair - that I should be a model! Ha! I received her compliment and left... NO, being a model doesn't really fit me, but being recognized just because is okay today...
I will keep rockin' my red, curly locks because I like them!
I am on the journey of really learning what it means and how it looks to love me - for me - no strings attached!
ONE DAY AT A TIME ~ ONE STEP AT A TIME ~
ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!
A couple other things of encouragement to help me to keep pressing one today:
"Lift up over all the [covering] shield of saving faith upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked [one]." Ephesians 6:16
I will lift up the shield of faith, and all of the fiery and flaming arrows that come in my direction will be thwarted and will not penetrate me! Their effect will not be felt by me!
"So be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he WILL FLEE from you. Come close to God, and He WILL COME CLOSE to you..." James 4:7-8a
I will resist the evil one each time I face and conquer one round of intake as I draw close and require of God to equip me. As the enemy flees, God draws nearer!
NICE TRADE OFF!
"So take my heart - and FORM it. Take my mind - TRANSFORM it.
Take my will - CONFORM it, to Yours, to Yours, O Lord!"
(Chorus from song sung today at church)
Letting God do these things is the ONLY way I will see what true VICTORY and FREEDOM really look like!