Thursday, May 19, 2011

Wrapping up week two...

My heart is heavy this morning... Deep inside, I am so thankful for the progress that has been made over the past two weeks on the road to RECOVERY, but at the same time I am not looking forward to my appointment with my nutritionist today because I know that I am going to have to increase the volume of intake that my body needs... I want to be healthy, and I want to be FREE, but the process scares me...

Right now, I am so terrified to gain weight and I've been struggling to avoid the scale in the house where I'm currently staying. From yesterday morning to this morning, the number didn't change, but I'm so scared of it going up. In my core, I try to remind myself that the number on the scale doesn't define me, but there is still such a stronghold there...

Well, it sounds like I better start refocusing my mind and my heart, so I can face the day! Through gritted teeth and heavy eyes I will choose to say: I CHOOSE LIFE TODAY! ONE STEP AT A TIME ~ ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!

And once again the timing of my devotional is right on target!

"I want you to know how SAFE and SECURE you are in My Presence. That is a fact, totally independent of your feelings. You are on your way to heaven; nothing can prevent you from reaching that destination. There you will see Me face to Face, and your JOY WILL BE OFF THE CHARTS by any earthly standards. Even now, you are never separated from Me, though you must see Me through eyes of faith, I will walk with you till the end of time, and onward into eternity. Although My Presence is a guaranteed promise, that does not necessarily change your feelings. When you forget I am with you, you may experience loneliness or fear. It is through awareness of My Presence that Peace displaces negative feelings. Practice the discipline of walking consciously with Me each day."

I really do need to walk even more consciously in communion with God today. I have literally needed to depend on Him through each step of each day over the past two weeks, but today I need Him more! The day looks so daunting and overwhelming to me, but that's not how it looks to Him! To Him, it looks POSSIBLE and not just possible but EXCITING and VICTORIOUS... I will choose to have a positive outlook about today. I will probably have to remind myself of that many times today!

Here's a perspective shifter that I needed today: "For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but hen I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God]." Today, what I see, or rather, how I see, is not the same as it will be when I am in heaven. In this verse the phrase "when perfection comes," does not take on the meaning that ED shouts and demands from me. Here I believe that perfection means one of two things (1) that when Christ (perfection) comes, the Light of the World, clarity and absolute freedom from deception will be ours or (2) that perfection refers to our heavenly bodies where, like what I previously said, all deception and distortion will be gone because we will see SO differently! Now we just need STRENGTH and PERSEVERANCE until the day of seeing Him face to face comes.

The promise found in Psalm 29:11 could not be more perfect to give me hope for the journey. "The Lord WILL GIVE [unyielding and impenetrable] STRENGTH to His people; the Lord WILL BLESS His people with PEACE." Wow! I am claiming this promise - especially for today!

My Lord WILL GIVE me unyielding and impenetrable STRENGTH, and He WILL BLESS me with PEACE!

Sometimes the hardest part is starting... That seems to be the case today, but I will remember that in Christ's sufficiency, I have been made self-sufficient. I will remember that the path to healing is worth the journey, and I will have not regret. I will speak forth TRUTH as I face round one of intake today... The TRUTH shall make me FREE!

(written later)

Rounds one and two were finished before met with my nutritionist today... I was so anxious about what was going to change in the refeeding plan I currently have... But, it wasn't bad! I have to choose to say that! But, really, it is almost the same for the next two weeks because my body is still not doing all that it needs to process and handle too much intake... Liquids will be the form for a while it seems... However, I was grateful that not too much changed... there was only one small substitution... We will see how my body handles it!


After my appointment, I went to meet with someone about a place where I can stay that is close to both my counselor and nutritionist for at lease the next few months. Well, it was successful! God has provided a place at a good price for this season of deeper healing, recovery, and self-discovery... I am hoping to move in on Sunday...

Well, now as I wrap up today's entry, I can say that YES, it wound up being a VICTORIOUS and EXCITING day in many ways, even though it didn't start off that way!


He sustains me as I continue walking out in RECOVERY!

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