Friday, May 13, 2011

Starting Week 2...

Today marks the start of week 2 in this journey to RECOVERY - to FREEDOM - to WHOLENESS - to SELF-DISCOVERY!

Devotional for today:

"Thank Me in the midst of the crucible. When things seem all wrong, look for growth opportunities. Especially, look for areas where you need to let go, leaving your cares in my able hands. Do you trust Me to orchestrate your life events as I chose, or are you still trying to make things go according to your will? If you keep trying to carry out your intentions while I am leading you in another direction, you deify your desires. Be on the lookout for what I am doing in your life. Worship Me by living close to Me, thanking Me in all circumstances."


"Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you, casting the WHOLE of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Well, today started off quite well and seems to be finishing that way too! I had counseling this morning which went well, and I was on the run most of the day, but I took everything with me that I would need to face each round of intake that would take place while I was gone... Many of the rounds I didn't want to face today, but with the strength of the Lord operating within me, I was able to face and complete the first four rounds. I am working on round five as I write this entry...

I am currently in the process of seeking the Lord in preparation to relocate for a while. I picked up some job applications today, and I will be looking around for a place to live very soon. I am really trying not to get to wrapped up into planning it all out right now...

God is laying out a process for me that goes against the norms of treatment, but I believe it is going to be very effective as I continue to seek Him and take the step that happens to be in front of me... I have gone the "normal" route in the past to try and walk in recovery, but this time, I am realizing that, yes, I need help and counsel, support and accountability, guidance and encouragement, but I also need my own space - a place where I can work it all out and make the choice daily, hourly, moment by moment to choose LIFE!

I don't need someone standing over me and telling me to put something in my mouth anymore... For anyone who reads this, please know that I have been in the place of having to be told and required to eat or take in nutrients with staff hovering over me to make sure I would do it, and I am not saying that it is bad nor unnecessary, I am just saying that where I am today is in a level of healing and recovery that can't come out of sole submission to people and being forced to do those things... It needs to be a decision to take care of me - to really learn what that means - not to satiate the demands of people around me so that I can be approved of or accepted... There is a different motive behind the choice now!

Well, I am exhausted and have much more that I would like to share, but I am going to have to keep it short for tonight. I am going to finish round five for today, and hopefully get to bed early tonight!

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