Being repulsed by what I see-
Makes it hard to choose RECOVERY.
Yet I know deep within me-
This is what I need.
It gets harder each day-
To give up control.
Yet my truest desire is-
To be FREE - made WHOLE.
Lies tangled inside-
They torment my mind.
Yet the TRUTH breaks through-
so gentle and kind.
Though it's hard to press on-
I want to choose LIFE.
For without doing so-
I'll become my own demise.
This journey has not been easy, but God has been equipping me each step of the way!
My devotional, "Jesus Calling," for this morning:
"I am your Lord! See Me as Friend and Lover of your soul, but remember that I am also King of Kings - sovereign over all. You can make some plans as you gaze into the day that stretches out before you. But you need to hold those plans tentatively, anticipating that I may have other ideas. The most important thing to determine is what to do right now. Instead of scanning the horizon of your life, looking for things that need to be done, concentrate on the task before you and the One who never leaves your side. Let everything else fade into the background. This will unclutter your mind, allowing Me to occupy more and more of your consciousness. Trust Me to show you what to do when you have finished what you are doing now. I will guide you step by step, as you bend your will to Mine. Thus you stay close to Me on the path of PEACE."
Before I even look at the verses that go along with this devotional, it is a timely word for me! The path to RECOVERY and TRUE FREEDOM this time around looks uncharacteristic to the norms prescribed for "treating" people like me, yet I believe that it is going to be very effective in the long run... The path being laid out for me to choose life each day (or several times each day) still has kinks to be worked out, and over the past day and a half, I have caught myself getting caught up and then anxious and overwhelmed by the details... I am being reminded this morning that I need to take it one step at a time!
Waiting and taking each step in stride is not something that comes easily for me. I am one of those people that from since I can remember have had a plan and an answer (most of the time I've felt like I had to!) for anyone and everyone about what was coming next... Well, that pressure becomes so overwhelming and simultaneously robs you of the opportunity to walk in faith...
I am in the process of learning that it really is better (and easier) to trust God step by step and day by day... Society and culture say that we must have a five year and ten year plan, but God says that He knows the plans that He has for us - plans to prosper us and not to harm us - plans for a hope and a future. When we get tied up trying to figure it all out, I believe we miss what He wants to do!
There are many unknowns and uncertainties ahead of me right now, but I will choose to face what I see and know of today - DAY BY DAY ~ STEP BY STEP ~ MOMENT BY MOMENT - and I will trust that the details are being worked out by the One who has seen the end since before the beginning!
This goes even deeper as I look at Proverbs 19:21, "Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand!" So... We make plans and try to figure it out (usually getting stressed out, anxious, and panicky along the way), and yet the purpose of the Lord overrides those plans... Wouldn't it be easier to just let Him lay it out in the first place... Easier said than done! I think I may be forever learning this lesson!
As I read the following verse, I am reminded that it is in trust and reliance on Him that peace comes. "To shine upon and give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to direct and guide our feet in a straight line into the way of peace." (Luke 1:79) He makes the crooked path of self-reliance straight as we look to Him and trust His sovereignty!
I'm reminded of another verse that seems appropriate for today: "But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." (Isaiah 40:31) There is much waiting and trusting for me right now... During each step of this process, it is vital for me to wait on the Lord and have Him renew His strength to press on and continue in this journey... That's where I am right now as I look to face round one for today. It is His STRENGTH in me that conquers the battle in front of me...
For I shall go forth today with my gaze fixed upon the One who sees and knows what is required each step of the day. I will trust Him at each turning point today, and I will keep my mind attuned to His will... When the temptation arises to figure it all out, and I start to feel overwhelmed, I will stop and trust God - laying my burden down before Him. I will choose to take today in stride -
ONE STEP AT A TIME ~ ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!
Ready to face the first round of intake today... That's the only round I will think about right now...
Rounds one through four have been completed for today! I met with my accountability partner today and had a good visit with her...
I will soon be facing round five and then bed... I have a Dr.'s appointment and counseling appointment tomorrow... Results are in... I will take them in stride as well!