By: Kim Hembry ©
June 19, 2011
I really thought today would have ended better
After feeling a sense, a glimmer of hope,
But the truth is I fell again
When I felt the pressure and longed to cope
With the pain I felt inside
With the lies that raged within
It all seemed to fight against me
I latched onto the need to be thin
Another hellacious night I endured
With bingeing and purging and numbing the pain
How could I have given in
Am I going insane?
This deep pitted torture that lives inside of me
From it I still long to run
To somehow leave it behind
But I keep succumbing to the dark and lifeless pun
What’s wrong with the girl that stands in front of me?
Why can’t she seem to fight?
Why does she always give in?
To ED’s desperate pleas, to his constant lies?
I’m disgusted by the girl reflected in the glass
She appears fine to the world
Yet to herself she is lying
She only feels sorrow, pain and beckoning for more
Is there an end? Is there really hope?
Why can’t she seem to live?
Why does she daily die?
What will it take for the lies to subside?
Because she covers the lies so well
You would never know
You would never realize
The every increasing sorrow
Just to exist, to only survive
She won’t give up
She won’t give in
But she struggles not to lose hope
She knows that others depend on her to fight
Yet with all of the intense pressure
She seems to lose sight
Of ever experiencing pleasure
Trying to see there’s something greater left to know
Something better than what’s been hers
Something that is lovely
She is longing to be sure
About the truth of her life
What she is meant to be
Why she can’t give in
And run from the mockery?
Do you see her fading away
Can you hear her silent pleas
Do you know that she struggled
To press on - to just be
Probably not, probably never will
Because the has mastered an art
She easily hides the pain inside
You’d never know she’s falling apart
But if you were to see her without all her masks
You would be surprised
You would not understand
You would flee from her, gasping inside