Bad choices... Take two...

Different Ending

By: Kim Hembry ©

June 19, 2011

I really thought today would have ended better

After feeling a sense, a glimmer of hope,

But the truth is I fell again

When I felt the pressure and longed to cope

With the pain I felt inside

With the lies that raged within

It all seemed to fight against me

I latched onto the need to be thin

Another hellacious night I endured

With bingeing and purging and numbing the pain

How could I have given in

Am I going insane?

This deep pitted torture that lives inside of me

From it I still long to run

To somehow leave it behind

But I keep succumbing to the dark and lifeless pun

What’s wrong with the girl that stands in front of me?

Why can’t she seem to fight?

Why does she always give in?

To ED’s desperate pleas, to his constant lies?

I’m disgusted by the girl reflected in the glass

She appears fine to the world

Yet to herself she is lying

She only feels sorrow, pain and beckoning for more

Is there an end? Is there really hope?

Why can’t she seem to live?

Why does she daily die?

What will it take for the lies to subside?

Because she covers the lies so well

You would never know

You would never realize

The every increasing sorrow

Just to exist, to only survive

She won’t give up

She won’t give in

But she struggles not to lose hope

She knows that others depend on her to fight

Yet with all of the intense pressure

She seems to lose sight

Of ever experiencing pleasure

Trying to see there’s something greater left to know

Something better than what’s been hers

Something that is lovely

She is longing to be sure

About the truth of her life

What she is meant to be

Why she can’t give in

And run from the mockery?

Do you see her fading away

Can you hear her silent pleas

Do you know that she struggled

To press on - to just be

Probably not, probably never will

Because the has mastered an art

She easily hides the pain inside

You’d never know she’s falling apart

But if you were to see her without all her masks

You would be surprised

You would not understand

You would flee from her, gasping inside