Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Poem of reflection... Today's journey...

Internal Pondering

By: Kim Hembry ©

June 21, 2011

Encountered by truth and forced to see

Rather than negate the reality

Of the daily abuse my body’s endured

The rising effects that I easily ignore

Forced to unveil what lies underneath

The carefully placed mask that prevents revealing

The intensity of the struggle, the sadness and pain -

The tormenting battle and debilitating self-hate

The silent screams and cry for release

The restlessness and gut-renching pleas

I’m trying to see clearly and not deny

That I need something in me to stay alive

I’m fighting the feeling of fullness inside

I feel huge and only want to hide

From the voices that continue mocking me

From the tormenting lies of certain defeat

Because I gave in to the weakness to feed

And to nourish my brain and my body

I’m trying to think rationally and within reason

I need to ignore ED’s plaguing poison

Of torment and lies, of deceit-filled eyes

Of the tempting bait so well disguised

The longing for release rises within

But I’ve already promised not to give in

But I want to escape how I feel so badly

A quick relief I’d snatch up so gladly

But I know I need to fight the feeling that comes

I know I need to stand up rather than succumb

To the loud demands and constant beckoning

That try to convince me that it wouldn’t hurt anything

Oh, to break free from this raging, living hell

Would be relief - it would surely be swell!

But I’ll run into His everlasting arms

Where I will be shielded from the potential harms

Of giving in to ED’s loud pleas

Or of seeking my own form of peace

Today will go down - be marked in history

And God’s immense love as a certain mystery

For it is only by His grace that I’ve been sustained

That I have survived this long and difficult day

So praise be to God - His unyielding strength

He rose up and fought on behalf of me!

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