Internal Pondering
By: Kim Hembry ©
June 21, 2011
Encountered by truth and forced to see
Rather than negate the reality
Of the daily abuse my body’s endured
The rising effects that I easily ignore
Forced to unveil what lies underneath
The carefully placed mask that prevents revealing
The intensity of the struggle, the sadness and pain -
The tormenting battle and debilitating self-hate
The silent screams and cry for release
The restlessness and gut-renching pleas
I’m trying to see clearly and not deny
That I need something in me to stay alive
I’m fighting the feeling of fullness inside
I feel huge and only want to hide
From the voices that continue mocking me
From the tormenting lies of certain defeat
Because I gave in to the weakness to feed
And to nourish my brain and my body
I’m trying to think rationally and within reason
I need to ignore ED’s plaguing poison
Of torment and lies, of deceit-filled eyes
Of the tempting bait so well disguised
The longing for release rises within
But I’ve already promised not to give in
But I want to escape how I feel so badly
A quick relief I’d snatch up so gladly
But I know I need to fight the feeling that comes
I know I need to stand up rather than succumb
To the loud demands and constant beckoning
That try to convince me that it wouldn’t hurt anything
Oh, to break free from this raging, living hell
Would be relief - it would surely be swell!
But I’ll run into His everlasting arms
Where I will be shielded from the potential harms
Of giving in to ED’s loud pleas
Or of seeking my own form of peace
Today will go down - be marked in history
And God’s immense love as a certain mystery
For it is only by His grace that I’ve been sustained
That I have survived this long and difficult day
So praise be to God - His unyielding strength
He rose up and fought on behalf of me!
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