The choice to PRAISE Him in the midst of uncomfortable circumstances... Day 2 of Week 6 in this "not-so-perfect" journey to RECOVERY...

As I opened my journal, ready to start filling the pages, I was overcome with emotions. They welled up on the inside of me, and I was paralyzed. My pen couldn't make its way to the page. In that moment, I heard a gentle whisper in my spirit, "Psalm 63." Well, I decided to open my Bible and see what awaited me in this Psalm. This is what I found...

¹O GOD, You are my God, earnestly will I seek You; my inner self thirsts for You, my flesh longs and is faint for You, in a dry and weary land where no water is.

²So I have looked upon You in the sanctuary to see Your power and Your glory.

³Because Your loving-kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.

⁴So will I bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

⁵My whole being shall be satisfied... and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips

⁶When I remember You upon my bed and meditate on You in the night watches.

⁷For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice.

⁸My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me.

⁹But those who seek and demand my life to ruin and destroy it shall [themselves be destroyed and] go into the lower parts of the earth [into the underworld of the dead].

¹⁰They shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be a prey for foxes and jackals.

¹¹But the king shall rejoice in God; everyone who swears by Him [that is, who binds himself by God's authority, acknowledging His supremacy, and devoting himself to His glory and service alone; every such one] shall glory, for the mouths of those who speak lies shall be stopped.

Wow! Wow! Wow! My Abba surely knew what I needed to see and receive this morning! First of all, I believe that He wanted me to see and remind me that I am not alone in this journey - that I am not the only one walking in what feels like a dry and parched land. David wrote this Psalm when he was in the Judean wilderness. Also, I believe God wanted to remind me of the importance and value of praising Him under such conditions. I have said that no matter what comes my way, no matter how many storms are raging or turbulent waves come crashing down all around me, still I will praise Him - because He is worthy to be praised - For He is with me as I pass through the waters, through the deserts, and through the fire... David praised God in the wilderness!

What I am reminded of in this moment is that our praise (especially when we are in the middle of very unpleasant conditions or circumstances and are crying out to God) is evidence of our hope and faith in Him - that somehow and some way, He will carry us through. Praising God as we wait for the victory keeps us hopeful and stirs the faith within us as we press on in spite of what we see going on around us. Praising God reveals the confident assurance that we have in Him and keeps us from becoming overwhelmed by feelings of defeat because we are praising Him in faith that He will carry us through and fulfill His promises!

I believe that I have been led to this Psalm so as to adopt it as my own prayer of faith for this season of my life. I believe that God wants me to speak with boldness and in faith that I am certain that He will shut the mouths of the lying accusers (voices of ED), that those (voices of ED) who demand and seek to ruin and destroy my life will be destroyed and given over to the power of the sword... They will be overcome by the sword! The sword is God's Word... God's Word is TRUTH... By TRUTH, they will be overcome!

This Psalm is so full of HOPE - so full of PROMISE - so full of FAITH! I will choose to praise God in this journey through the desert and wilderness in which I often feel parched and unable to press on. I will trust that what He has promised will come to pass in my life! As I seek the face of my Abba - day in and day out - I will not be put to shame! For He is fighting on my behalf, and though I am uncertain of when I will see the ultimate victory, I will praise Him and revel in His glory until He brings me to glory over the voices of ED!

ONE DAY AT A TIME!

ONE STEP AT A TIME!

ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!

I will choose to say, "My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me." (v.8)

Being led to this Psalm was just what I needed to even get into a positive mindset from which I could decide to face today because when I first woke up, not only did I not want to press on in the fight for my LIFE, but I was also so overcome by pessimism and dread for the day that lay ahead of me. In verse nine it says, "So I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in your name." Wow! I know that God desires for me to bless Him because I have LIFE today - because He has filled my lungs with breath! This is a complete paradox in relation to how I first felt when I thought about my life today... However, I will choose to praise Him for another day to walk on this journey! I will throw my hands up in surrender to LIFE and not in surrender to death...

The truth is that I don't want to make all of the choices that this day will require for me to make in order to choose LIFE, but I will lean on and rely on my Abba to bring me to each point of decision and equip me to make the right choice as I encounter each one. ED wants me to throw up my hands to him (and part of me would like to do that and is fighting hard not to), but I will choose to throw my hands up in surrender to LIFE!

Making the choice to surrender to LIFE today means that I am going to need to follow through with the decision to nourish my body. I am struggling so hard - so much - in this area right now, but I will not give up. I will try to take today in stride regarding the steps that will need to be taken in order to nourish my body and my brain... I have fallen short (way short!) of getting in what my nutritionist would like me to get in for the eight or nine days, and I know that I must keep fighting... I don't know all that I will encounter as this day unfolds, but I will choose to walk through this day, keeping my gaze fixed on my Abba, knowing that He walks with me and is inside of me. I will cling to TRUTH, and I will press on in this battle. I will remember that my God has promised VICTORY! I will remember that He said that in Him, I will glory over those who seek to ruin and destroy my life. I will remember that what has been ruined and torn down in my life over the years, my God will restore and rebuild. The choice stands before me NOW - the choices to embrace LIFE and praise Him in this desert stand before me NOW!

(Written later)

By fixing my gaze on my Abba, by declaring TRUTH, and by doing something slightly distracting yet productive while I faced round one of intake for today made it possible... My body and mind fought me as I tried to press on sip after sip, and it is fighting even now as it tries to process it, but I will choose to be patient with my body, and I will press on as this day unfolds...

I will not be overwhelmed by the obstacles that present themselves; for I will remember that what appears to be an impossibility, God can transform into a possibility for VICTORY!

Though it doesn't really seem like I am making progress right now, but rather experiencing setbacks, I will try to see from the perspective that I have been willing to press on and fight even when it has seemed that everything was pressing against me to keep me from showing up and from choosing LIFE!